Out of the Mouths of Babes: A Case of the Funnies with Carver John

Carver is 3.5 years old. The other day he threw a fit and decided that he didn’t want to be 3 anymore. I asked him if he wanted to be four or to be two and he said he wanted to be “nothing.”

He walked in on me in the bathroom one day and said “Mommy do you have your period?” I said yes. He said “Oh. Good for you mommy. That is normal. You want privacy?” and he shut the door.

I was changing my shirt and he said “Mommy what are those?” pointing to my stretchmarks. I told him those are my stretch marks from when I had him and Gannon in my tummy. He says “Me no like them.” UGH it took everything in me to say, “I LOVE my baby stripes because that means I got to have a baby!” Now every time he sees them, and sometimes he will lift up my shirt and kiss my baby stripes and he tells me “I love your baby stripes mommy!”

Earlier today Carver couldn’t clean up any legos at childcare because he had a baby in his tummy and when the baby came out he was going to have to build a toy for the baby with those legos.

Carver and I were watching the bachelor. Now before you judge my parenting choices, listen to this hilarious conversation.

We are watching all of the girls come out of the limo to meet Peter.

Me: He is meeting all of the girls to see which one he wants to marry.
Carver: I think he should marry the
one with the sprinkles.
Me: Do you mean the sparkles?
Carver: Yeah with the sprinkles on hers dress.

I hear giggling after I put the boys to bed (in separate rooms and separate beds) and then took a shower…

Gannon is sound asleep and Carver is…well… being himself and snuck into Gannon’s crib.

He was being so quiet and of course this is in the dark and he was trying to hide under his blankie. I honestly didn’t see him but I could hear him breathing.


“Me need to take care of Gannon mommy! Don’t put me back in my room!”

Me: Carver can you please go get Gannon a Kleenex?
Carver: Yeah
*several moments pass*
Me: Carver can you go get him a Kleenex now?
Carver: I said YEAH
Me: Then go do it!!
Carver: Me accidentally watching TV right now. In a moment.

Narrator: It was a rough morning in the Friedman house.
*sniff sniff*
“Look mommy!”
*wipes tears away*
“me change my attitude!”
Narrator: He did not change his attitude.

Carver is currently throwing a fit after discovering all the inaccuracies of his toy combine compared to a real combine.

“Mommy, this will not work at ALL!” 

*bang bang bang bang*
*bang bang bang bang bang”
“I’m not kicking it with my feet! That’s my ELBOW!!”
*bang bang bang bang*

Current state of the Friedman living room courtesy of a three year old’s imagination:

“MOMMY! You like my boat?!”

“Me miss ours old car”
“Me sad ruby died”
“Me miss my Christmas tree”
“Me sad to go to the cemetery”
“Me miss papa moo”
“Me want to drive ours old car”
“Let’s build our Christmas tree”
“Why was there a snow storm?”
“Is it a secret why there is a snow storm?”
“Daddy is it a secret?”
“Me miss grandma Joey”
“It’s so hard to wait”
“What are the dells?”
“Mommy I can’t see the waterpark”
“My buckle is too tight”
“What does a yellow combine do?”
“Me asking daddy not you mommy!”
“What color is the sky?”
“Me miss ours old car.”
“I seen a big black tractor a very huge big time ago.”
“What color is white?”
“What color is wood?”
“Is it a secret?”
“Where is the water park?”
“Hold on tight we are going to turn soon.”
“Mommy hold on tight!!!”
“Daddy hold on tight and you need to drive and do the turn!!”
“Me told you to turn.”
“Look mom a forest!”
“We are not in the forest yet.”
“We not need fuel.”
“Me told you to turn!”
“Mommy me please go to to to to to to to to……what?”
“Look at all of these trees grow like a weed.”
“Look at these trees they are growing.”
“Maybe them are woods maybe.
“Maybe then are woods maybe mom.”
“Mommy there is a bear in those woods.”
“Mommy you get the bear and you not shoot it.”
“Snakes are scary too mom.”
“Daddy you have a snake on yours game right daddy?”
“Let’s play cowboys later.”
“The dells are right by the waterpark.”
“Mommy me like Dells.”
“Daddy it’s so hard to wait for a waterpark!”
“Mommy please play my birthday party song.”
“Me like birthday party songs.
“Please please please”
“My hands are all messy so me go to the waterpark and clean them.”
“It’s so hard to just wait and wait and just wait mommy.”

This has been 30 seconds in the car with Carver.

(I literally typed this all as he was saying it)

About a half hour later, I was teasing Carver and said “Me miss ours old car!” Without missing a beat he yells “GO BUY IT THEN MOM!”

Carver brought me a tampon the other day and asked “Is this a band aid for yours ‘gina?” Not a bad description!

That’s all for now folks! Stay tuned!



  1. Donna Weflen
    January 23, 2020 / 11:49 am

    OMG!!! I love the bandaid for you ‘vina. From the mouths of babes!

  2. Carolyn Sullivan
    January 23, 2020 / 1:11 pm

    OMG he is priceless! SO glad you wrote all of that down, my own memories of my three at that age have thankfully been blocked out. LOL but yours are priceless memories.

  3. Sherri C
    January 23, 2020 / 3:28 pm

    Too funny! Carver is something–funny, smart, curious, caring, And did I say smart? Never a dull moment with him around, for sure.

  4. Karen P
    January 23, 2020 / 8:57 pm

    What a scream Carver is!!!!! I’m so happy that you are writing all of this down for future reference! Pay backs can be tough! lol

  5. Susan the Farm Quilter
    January 24, 2020 / 2:12 am

    As you are commemorating all things Carver, you are also creating a most awesome slide show (be sure to put in some of his sayings) for his high school graduation!! As parents, it is our job to embarrass our children occasionally. When I was out with my girls and they would misbehave, I would ask them if we needed to go to the bathroom for an attitude adjustment. Funny, I never had to take them to the bathroom for that!!

  6. Carolyn Sullivan
    March 27, 2020 / 9:07 pm

    LOL I’m going to send this to my Daughter, she is often the caretaker for her almost 2 yr Granddaughter LOL today the were here and she has an amazing vocabulary.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *