Milestones.

Carver was normal.

Carver hit every milestone early.

At 10 months we rotated through “bye bye” “so big” “blow kisses” “where’s your hair” “what’s a dinosaur say” and every other pet trick there was in rapid sequence.

Carver started walking on the day he turned 11 months.

Carver knew every farm animal sound, he was by all means “smart” and “above average.”

I was annoyed having to sit through and drag my wild boy to every well child check. What is the point of these things anyway? These questions are so dumb. Who’s kid can’t do these things?

Of course every kid his age could say “mama” and “dada” and “uh-oh” – Carver has been doing that for months.

Of course he can walk along furniture, he’s been walking for MONTHS.

Of course he knows all of his farm animals and what sounds they make!

Of course he can help get himself dressed and bang two toys together!

I’d always leave those appointments wondering what the point of all those questions are.

It wasn’t until I had my second son, Gannon, who had more “no’s” than “yes’s”

Can he walk? No

Can he name one object? No.

Does he have 3 words? No.

Can he identify “mom” or “dad”? No.

Does he know any animal sounds? No.

Does he help himself get dressed? No.

I recall thinking, “Who’s kid can’t do these things?”

My kid. My kid can’t do those things.

It isn’t until your child isn’t reaching those milestones that those questions become very important.

I was naive. It’s a life lesson I wish I didn’t have to learn the hard way.

Instead of leaving the doctor’s office proud and confident I leave feeling defeated and like someone knocked the wind out of me.

Why? What is wrong with my Gannon? What more can we do? Where can we go?

How much is “wait and see” and how much is “take action now.”

They say “the earlier you catch it, the better the outcome” and then say “our soonest available appointment is in 6 months.” Which is it?

Where’s the line of “pushing too hard” and “not pushing hard enough?”

All the late night online searches, all of the rabbit holes I’ve dove down, the scheduling and rescheduling of appointments, the second opinions, the specialists, referrals, none of that has lead to a diagnosis.

So, my fellow moms, if you’re annoyed with all the silly questions at those never ending well child checks, if you don’t have concerns, if you’re hitting every mile stone, be grateful.

Answer YES with confidence to every silly question because some of us can’t.

13 thoughts on “Milestones.

    • Teresa F, says:

      Patty Rhoades –
      I can’t get onto Jo’s blog either. It has happened to me before so we will just have to wait it out.

      Teresa F,

  1. Jill Klop says:

    I have a friend who’s situation was very similar to yours. First child was normal in every way. Her second child started missing those developmental delays. In her case, it took years to get a diagnosis, and even that has been added to as the years have gone by. It’s a long and sometimes frustrating journey you are on with Gannon. I pray that you will be led to the doctors who can give you the answers that you need. I know you love him fiercely and that will keep you moving ahead…one day at a time.

  2. Ellie says:

    Eventually you will be able to find answers but it will take the sort of dogged determination you have to find them. The right professionals are out there , ready to help and guide you but finding them isn’t quick or easy. Good luck and be aware you have a cheering section behind you!

  3. Cindy F says:

    Take heart! Even though he is not hitting his milestones right now, it doesn’t mean he will be left behind in the years to come. He is loved and cherished and that does a lot for a child.

  4. Lola Zographos says:

    And sometimes kids are just different just because. My granddaughter didn’t walk until she was 2. She was referred to Children’s hospital twice but couldn’t find anything wrong. When she was 2 she got up and walked, she did not feel like walking. The doc was concerned when my son didn’t talk at age 2, for some reason I wasn’t concerned but at 2 1/2 he started talking ALL THE TIME!!! He’s in his 40s and still talking all the time. Relax, don’t ignore but don’t stress out. Kids know when you are stressed and feel it too. May God bless and keep you and Gavin.

  5. Elle says:

    I cannot imagine the frustration when child #2 isn’t on the timeline of child #1. But it’s OK. Gannon is being himself not Carver. My youngest sister (child #6) was super late at EVERYTHING! My oldest sister and I tricked her into walking at 15 months. When she sat down and realized no one was holding her waist, she refused to stand or walk for 2 weeks! She did everything late. She is however, super smart and at age 40 was the startup employee for a now multi billion $ company and it’s executive VP.

    Maybe Gannon’s lot in life is to challenge his Mom’s patience and understanding. Watch out for his teen years 😉

  6. Sharon says:

    I don’t think you need to be to concerned at this time that Gannon isn’t doing all that Carver did at the same age. You are aware and are seeking advice so just continue to do so. I have 3 kids, 4 grandchildren and 6 great-grandchildren and not one of them did things at the same age . Not one. The one I had concerns about not talking as early as the others is now 7 and never shuts up. He was child #2 in his family. Pediatrician said get him to a speech therapist ASAP when he was 3. Would have taken 6 mos. to get him seen. Sister was an early talker. He knew he didn’t have to in order to get what he wanted or needed. Sister started school, he started talking. Great-grandchild #5 is 17 months old, not walking much nor talking much. She is child #3 in that family. Nothing wrong physically nor developmentally, just doing things in her own time frame. My thinking is that the 2nd child on down sometimes is content to just observe their siblings. Eventually, they will usually do it when they’re ready. You are aware, you’re asking questions. Your Mom had 5 children. I’m guessing you all did developmental things at different ages. You know your children, I don’t. But from the way you describe them, it seems to me that Carver is a go getter, raring to go kind of guy, and Gannon is more a laid back, take it easy kind of guy. Again, same family but two different children.

  7. Carolyn Sullivan says:

    I wish I had something to reassure you. I know you are working w him to do the things he can do. Focus on that. He has physical health issues, sometimes that can also cause the developmental delays. his body is too busy dealing w the other thing.

  8. Pamela says:

    You don’t really appreciate good health until you don’t have it. I have two grandson’s with problems. One has a terminal illness and one has neurological something or other that none of the doctors can diagnose. It is heartbreaking.
    Gannon looks very happy. Prayers that once you get your diagnosis and things start coming together he will get caught up.

  9. H Allee says:

    When we were going through delayed feeding and speech milestones I was desperate for some type of diagnosis. Another parent whose son was diagnosed with seizures and severe autism once told me to chase the therapies, not the diagnosis. It was the best advise I had received. I had my daughter in speech therapy at that time and it helped to know I was doing exactly what she needed. She was getting the therapy to help her to speak even without a diagnosis. We eventually did get one but by then it didn’t matter. Her speech went from a year behind to three months AHEAD in about five months of speech therapy. Her feeding issues also resolved with feeding therapy.

    Also, not all therapists are created equal. We had our daughter with a therapist and noticed after about 4-6 weeks she wasn’t making much progress. We moved her to a different therapist and saw a night and day difference.

    It is so hard when your child isn’t hitting those milestones. I know that feeling so well. I remember DREADING those well child visits so much.

  10. Susan the Farm Quilter says:

    Child Find is a federal agency charged with finding and helping children, from birth to school age. Find them and get them involved. It is free of charge as they are trying to keep kids out of special education when they are in school. They will help you get the free therapies Gannon needs. Hallee is right, chase the therapies!! Gannon’s medical diagnosis is something you can leave to the doctors, but the other therapies he can get will make a difference now. Some therapies are time-sensitive, so the earlier you can get them started, the better. Have a child with special needs is rather like boarding a plane for Australia and landing in Sweden. Nothing wrong with Sweden, but it wasn’t where you expected to be going, so you have to make some adjustments. You have a wonderful family that supports you and Gannon, and you are a strong young lady who will not accept less than the best for Gannon!

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