“I’m on a diet.”


“Carbs are bad for you. “

“You need carbs.”

“Don’t eat bread.”

Me: But Oprah eats bread on Weight Watchers! Maybe I’ll try weight watchers…

“Don’t restrict yourself.”

“Bananas have the most carbs.”

“In fact, don’t eat fruit at all. They are full of sugar.”

“Nothing processed. EVER.”

“Potatoes are so bad.”

“You really need a supplement.”

“Corn is too starchy.”


“Do NOT add low calorie sweetener to your coffee.”

“You can eat eggs, but only the whites. The yolks have all the bad stuff.”

“ACTUALLY, the yolks are good for you.”

“Keto is the BEST you feel so great after you feel absolutely horrible for 2 weeks.”

“Keto is NOT something you can maintain long term.”

“Gluten is the reason you have acne!”

“CUT ALL DAIRY and your skin will never look better!”

“Intermittent fasting is best – I only eat between the hours of 1 pm and 9 pm.”

“Cauliflower really isn’t the best veggie for you…it is so starchy.”

“Don’t even try to lose weight unless you’re drinking your body weight in ounces every day.”

“Why even diet if you don’t cleanse first?”

“Add butter to your coffee but NEVER to your food!”

“Atkins diet is the way to go!”

“You MUST exercise 30 minutes every day. If you don’t, you won’t lose weight.”

“If you can add spinach to it, do it.”

“Are you on a probiotic?”

“Almond milk isn’t REAL milk! DRINK REAL MILK!”

Eat as soon as you wake up in the morning to get your metabolism going and then eat 6 small meals throughout the day to keep it going.”

“Only eat 2 meals a day. Let your metabolism rest between meals.”

“Frozen yogurt tastes just as good as ice cream!”


I. Just. Want. To. Be. At. A. Healthy. Weight. And. Maintain. IT.

Where do I start when every step is the wrong way according to someone?

Where do I start when my life is not the same from week to week.

Where do I start when I don’t even have groceries because I’ve worked the last 6 days straight?

Where do I start when I’m supposed to be making “me time” to get to the gym and then people tell me I’m not home with my kids enough?

Where do I start when the lettuce goes bad before I can eat it?

Where do I start when I hate chicken breasts?

Where do I start when I don’t want to be that girl not eating cake at the birthday party because she’s on a diet?

Where do I start when nothing in my life is consistent?

Where do I start when I’m scared of falling into the diet culture?

Where do I start when I just polished off a pan of brownies?

Where do I start when McDonalds is so damn convenient?

Where do I start when my hormones are still out of wack from having a baby?

Where do I start when I have 5 unread messages in my inbox from my “friends” who want me to buy their magic weight loss product?

Where do I start when I’ve already tried hiring a personal trainer, tried noom, logged my calories on myfitnesspal, counted my macros, bought a ninja smoothie maker, got new shoes to run in, tried the bikini body guide, swore off fried food and alcohol for the month, installed and uninstalled the weight watchers app twice, weighed myself for the third time today and I’m just still the same old size with the same old habits and I’m bored and ice cream sounds delicious?


And then on the opposite end of the spectrum are people who would shame me for not feeling confident and comfortable in my own body and for wanting to change.

“You’re perfect the way you are!”

“Never change!”

“Diet culture is the devil!”

“Make peace with your body!”

“Being thinner doesn’t make you happier!”

“If you don’t love your fat self you’ll never love your skinnier self!”

I legitimately want to lose weight. I want to be healthier. I don’t know where to start. I’m not looking for suggestions. Don’t message me with your diet fad multilevel marketing scheme. I’m just frustrated. I think a lot of people are. We just want the truth and we want to know what works for forever.

Read more on my struggle with body image issues here:



  1. Marina
    February 11, 2020 / 12:21 pm

    Hi, have a look at Lyndi Cohen an Australian nutritionist , she is on Insta and has a blog and atm has a F—-k diet Challenge for February. She has a program back to basics which my daughter a paramedic loves the quick and simple meals. And my eldest daughter with a child has just made one of the quick meals and loved it. She does a Sunday one hour meal prep for the week. Good luck. Your husband loves you and your kids love you. You are a beautiful person and that wonderful body of yours created two little humans. Be kind to yourself.

  2. Lynne Nicholson UK
    February 11, 2020 / 1:00 pm

    Three years ago I decided to watch my portion sizes, and make healthier choices… my only aim is to be around 2000 calories a day (I was easily eating twice that). I’ve slowly lost 21 pounds and while I sometimes feel discouraged I remind myself I’ve been on and off dieting for over 40 years and this is the first time since starting yo-yo dieting that I’m losing weight without gaining twice as much when I go back to eating normally. Some days I’ll eat 1700 calories occasionally I’ll eat 2500 or more (because I eat the birthday cake the pack of biscuits) but overall my weight is slowly going down, I’m getting a healthier relationship with food, and I’m having to buy my clothes in smaller sizes.

  3. Carolyn Sullivan
    February 11, 2020 / 1:01 pm

    I know I KNOW! I am a life timer on WW, still would like to lose 10 lbs….. But I really LIKE WW, their new plan has options and is very healthy. Also if I have a bad week…. it’s OK. really forgive yourself… Accept yourself.

  4. Robin
    February 11, 2020 / 1:55 pm

    Oh Kalissa, I feel your pain. I’ve tried several different diets and joined WW last year. Their new program finally felt doable for me. I’m down 23 pounds but have really fallen off the wagon the past couple of weeks. Why do we feel so much pressure to be something else? I keep telling myself I’m doing this for my health but I’m really doing it because I just felt fat. Hang in there girl, it’s hard to take care of yourself when you have jobs and a family. Take one day at a time and be proud of yourself if you reach one weight loss goal each day. That could be passing up a sweet at work, or maybe eating 5 M&M’s rather than a bag. When I go to bed at night I say my prayers then reflect on something I can be proud in my weight loss journey. Some day it’s just leaving a couple M”M’s in the bag rather than eating the whole thing!

    • thepinkshoelaces_nobzq1
      February 11, 2020 / 9:35 pm

      Your honesty is so refreshing. I love that you admitted “I keep telling myself I’m doing it for my health but I’m really doing it because I feel fat.” THIS. I wonder if I keep telling myself I’m doing it for myself if someday I’ll believe it. Thank you for your honesty!

  5. February 11, 2020 / 2:21 pm

    I’m a believer in moderation. Tell me not to eat potatoes, and I will eat All. The. Potatoes! Smaller portions , fewer rules, and self-forgiveness (and a bit more exercise, when my arthritis permits) are all I can do long-term.

  6. Barbara
    February 11, 2020 / 3:19 pm

    WW is a great program. You figure out how to make it work for you. It focuses on healthy eating and healthy habits There’s a great. Immunity for support and ideas.

    I need to lose 80-100 lbs for my health yet I also believe in body positivity. I don’t hate my body, it does amazing things for me. I’m not terrified of looking in a mirror or clothes shopping.

    It is possible to be overweight, and actively losing weight and still be body positive.

    Look at KERF, the blog Kath Eats Real Food, for a role model of balance and healthy eating. Kath eats cake.

  7. Sherri C
    February 11, 2020 / 4:01 pm

    Great post!

  8. Linda in NE
    February 11, 2020 / 7:27 pm

    It’s hard. Any of us who need to lose weight know that. We also know the everybody out there will tell us how to do it…or not do it. You lead a very busy life with your work & family so it’s hard to stay on a rigid eating schedule. All I can really say is to work out a plan that works for you. There is more to life than chicken breast and lettuce. Eat the birthday cake! Good luck!

  9. February 11, 2020 / 9:08 pm

    Hang in there…2 teenage boys will be the perfect diet. Mine constantly ask if I’m going to eat all that. I cant remember the last time I got to eat my entire meal. If it’s not the boys, it’s my little girl wanting a bite. I try to eat smaller portions…well not really, but with my boys…its smaller portions! Lol. We were walking a mile every night but then I tore my meniscus. ? I tore it a week after I joined the gym for a year…I think it was a sign that I didnt need to go. Lol

  10. Annie
    February 11, 2020 / 9:17 pm

    I’ve been on a “diet” all my life. When I put on two or three pounds, I cut back for a couple of days. Mostly, it’s the sweet stuff; not fruit but cookies and ice cream. My aim is to monitor portions. I’ve never truly denied myself; I just eat the special stuff occasionally. I once read that if you eat sanely for 20 meals out of 21, going crazy on the 21st will not disrupt your progress.

    That said, you look fine to me.

  11. Jan N.
    February 11, 2020 / 9:23 pm

    Your last sentence: “We just want the truth and we want to know what works for forever”. Research is always being done, so the “truth” is always changing. What works forever is a plan that YOU can follow for the rest of your life. Yes, the rest of your life, not only until you reach “your goal”. You can have A brownie or A piece of cake, just not the entire pan of brownies or the entire cake. Moderation is the key for successful weight loss. Look at it this way … when you start cooking and eating healthier food, so will your children and your husband. It will be a win win for you and them. Good luck on your journey to a healthier way of living.

  12. Penny Holliday
    February 11, 2020 / 10:25 pm

    Great post! What I’ve also experienced! So true & I could go on & on & make a similar list but at my old age it would be much longer! What I have learned is don’t go on a diet but portion control is important! What also is important & how my much taller daughter stays so slender but is never on a diet ~ limit sugar & carbs (mainly pasta)! We both love pasta! I need to exercise ~ daughter doesn’t! Just like you because you two are similar she chases her toddler & works! She runs the horse ranch we both live on in separate houses! She takes care of many horses! She does like to run (exercise)because it makes her feel so good but rarely has time. I think from your photos you look great & also are a great wife & parent but also need take care of you, also & be kinder to yourself!

  13. Susan the Farm Quilter
    February 11, 2020 / 10:49 pm

    Reaching for that cookie or chocolate is so easy to do when we think we are hungry or bored. Grabbing fast food is so much easier than cooking. I quit the fast food because I am too cheap to pay that much for so little. It still sings its siren song, but the impact on my bank account sings louder! It’s really harder for women because usually the grocery shopping and cooking fall on our shoulders, so honestly, we are thinking about food just about all the time!! When you both work, why can’t you split the cooking and shopping chores? And when you have kids, you are really thinking about food all the time because they want breakfast, lunch, snack and dinner!! A couple of things I keep going back to…drink a glass of water when I think I’m hungry and when I eat, that is the only thing I am doing…no TV, computer, or book, just concentrating on what I am eating, savoring every bite. Hard to do with your crazy schedule, but I enjoy my food, eat more slowly and fill up faster (and my stomach has time to signal my brain it is full before I over-stuff it!! I know I need to move more, but as the only full-time care-giver, that is difficult.

  14. Rhonda Russell
    February 11, 2020 / 11:15 pm

    I was your age when I realized I was overweight and needed to do SOMETHING! Every time I “went on a diet” I ended up gaining weight. I was busy like you: kids, husband, college, and work and didn’t have too much extra time in my life. I decided that I was just going to start by living healthier. What that meant to me was to eat healthier and be more active. If there was something to eat that was healthy, I must choose that (sometimes I just wouldn’t eat because I didn’t want the healthy). No more candy bars at work, instead a fruit cup or a piece of fruit. Cottage cheese and fruit at school instead of a lunch meat sandwich. I worked the evening shift so I would pick up a grilled chicken salad for my supper and then have a tuna sandwich when I came home. If I made healthy choices all day, then I allowed myself 6 OREOS after my sandwich. I also added exercise in small increments: 10 minute walks each morning and then 10 minutes of strength training when I got home from work. They were short enough that I couldn’t complain about not having time. I was so out of shape that just doing those 10 minutes was a chore but not so overtaxing that I would give it up. In a year I was up to walking 30 minutes a day and had lost 100 lbs.–all by focusing on living healthy and not worrying about weight loss. Thinking about being healthy so that I could live longer for my children helped me to push through and stick with it. For me and my busy life, I needed something that didn’t require anything more than making healthy choices and being more active. Counting calories, logging foods and/or exercise, etc. just made that much more to do and I didn’t have time for that. You just need to figure out what works for you–and you will figure it out as long as you don’t give up.

  15. mpv61
    February 11, 2020 / 11:24 pm

    I won’t give you any advice, not just because you said you didn’t want it, but because I’m right there with you! Good luck to all of us in this boat — I hope we find things that work for us!

  16. Angela
    February 12, 2020 / 12:37 am

    I’m with ya girl. My daughter won a challenge and wanted to do another one and she found an instagram 30 day challenge with the prize of $1000. Well it was really easy (or I couldn’t have stuck with it) and mostly portion control and simple exercises at home. I didn’t win the $1000 but I did loose about 6-8 pounds but I lost over 10 inches. Four in my waist. That is a bigger win than pounds. I fell off with the holidays but Maintained and I am at it again. Good luck and try not to stress over it.

  17. Vicky in Bama
    February 12, 2020 / 3:28 am

    I agree with what MPV61 says wholeheartedly. I pray we find things that work for each of us.

  18. Heidi S
    February 12, 2020 / 8:20 am

    My idea which has worked for me – Never diet. Make small lifestyle changes to be healthier.
    My motto, Eat less. Move more.
    I’m slowly and painlessly losing weight. I have Hashimoto’s. I’m 54 yrs old. It’s good enough for me 🙂
    Good luck!!

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