“I am just hating this.”

My heart just broke.

Carver has been so ready for preschool.. in fact, he has been TOO ready for preschool since he turned three last September.

Carver, similar to how my mother would describe me, is either all the way three years old or he talks to me like I’m having a conversation with a friend my age.

He’s known all of the “need to know” to go to preschool things since he was two. Every morning we completed his ABC puzzle over waffles before 7 am. Uppercase and lowercase. Carver is even going as far as recognizing basic sight words.

I even wanted to send him LAST year. Carver was born on September 16th, 2016 at 1:04 am. The cutoff for school is September 15th birthdays, an hour and 4 minutes after the school cutoff.

We’ve been talking about it for so long, watching the older kids get on the bus every morning. He adores our bus driver Jerry who also is a family friend. Carver couldn’t wait to ride his bus.

All this to say, he is READY for preschool and I WANT him in preschool.

But now we aren’t sure. We aren’t sure the risk is worth the reward of sending him. Of all the years that are optional, 3 year old preschool is optional. Will he even be able to play with his friends? Share toys? Will he have to keep a mask on the whole time? Will it be more like a sterile regimen or an actual fun/safe playing learning environment?

I think like many other parents and schools are feeling, there is just too much unknown. I’ve talked it over with Craig and with my mom and everyone else but Carver.

So today when he made a reference to going to preschool, I started explaining that he might not be able to go to preschool this year.

“Cuz of the corona virus?”

“Yup.”

”I don’t want to get sick.”

“That’s right Carver. And we don’t want to get anyone else sick.”

“I can wear a mask at preschool!”

“We still aren’t sure if it is the best choice.”

“Okay mom. But mom, I am hating this.”

Oh sweet boy. I almost corrected his language, I was never allowed to say “hate” growing up – only greatly dislike. Well, I’m going to let this one slide because Carver, I am HATING this too.

”Mommy, are you hating this too?”

Yes baby boy. I am. It’s so hard to know what is right or wrong, what is too cautious and what is too reckless. Who knows what the next month will bring?

He misses his friends so much, he misses coming into Walmart with me, He might not even remember what a world without masks looks like and now he might miss preschool which we have all been looking forward to for so long.

The innocence and honesty of those few words, “Mom I am hating this” out of my three going on thirty year old little boy broke my heart.

Me too Carv, me too.

Thanks for reading friends ✌🏻

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12 thoughts on ““I am just hating this.”

  1. Amy says:

    I feel for all of you. I am lucky my son graduated from college last year. I also raised my son not to use the ‘h’ word. That to me is worse than any swear. But in this scenario I would use it too. It wouldn’t be so bad if we knew when things would get better. Hope you all can stay healthy. Love reading your blog!

  2. Ellie says:

    Good choice even though it’s hard! It’s too early to see how things are going to play out this fall so your best choice is caution.

  3. Sue says:

    First time posting, hi! I’ve just recently found your blog 😊 and agree with caution in these circumstances. A memory of pre-school, with masks and a sterile environment is the last thing you want for Carver… best wait. You can still do the fun things with him and create different memories with him. There will still be enough years in school. What a lovely little chap he is 😊 xx

  4. Helen A says:

    We are in a similar situation. My daughter will be 3 in the fall. I wanted her to start a day program right when she turned 3 to get social interaction with other kids. That was the plan even before she was born. I think that’s so important for development for kids. Pre-Covid she was able to interact with other kids a few hours a week during activities I would take her too. She hasn’t seen another child since March. She hasn’t gone anywhere except her one set of grandparent’s house. I am so worried about how that is affecting her development. But we live in a hot spot and I am so scared of Covid and don’t want to spread it inadvertently either. I’m not sure what we will do if this continues next year. I think at 4 we will send her regardless (so fall of 2021). It’s such a hard decision to make and every family has to weigh all the factors that are personal to them. It’s so hard to know the right thing to do.

    We hate this too!

  5. mpv61 says:

    As hard as it is, it’s better to be safe than (very, very) sorry. I find myself weighing every little thing — reward (“Ooh, the thrift store!” against risk, “Ew, the possibility of getting COVID-19 and passing it on to loved ones!”) For most things, I decide the reward isn’t worth the risk. 🙁 But I really wish for the “old days,” when I could run errands and spontaneously add other stops. It’s going to be a long while before that happens, I think.

    I’m in Massachusetts, where people are masking well and there’s room in the hospitals. But who wants to NEED that room? Not me! So even though some “unnecessary” stores are open, and even though I could go eat outside at a restaurant, I’m erring on the side of caution. I don’t “need” to look for fabric at the thrift store; I have enough for years of quilts. I don’t “need” (or even want) to eat outside at a restaurant; I will take the smaller risk of online ordering and curbside pickup to help keep my favorite places going and to have some yummy food that I don’t have to cook.

    It’s even harder when we’re talking about our kids, of course. We don’t mind the restrictions on ourselves that much, but the thought that our kids are missing out on normal things is really sad. But it sounds like you’re doing a fantastic job explaining the corona virus to Carver, and he’s got the right attitude about it. Keep up the good work and stay healthy!!

  6. Joy says:

    I understand how you are feeling. We have chosen to keep our daughter home from kindergarten this fall. A hard decision to make since she so adored her preschool classmates, but she’s the kid who catches everything and it’s just not worth the risk.

    • Gloria Gleason says:

      You all are very wise to keep Carver home!! There is nothing better for our children than giving them the Gift of Time!! With his birthday on September 15, he will be really at the top of his class through ALL those years of school when he starts as a six year old. Trust me and SO many other families who held on to our precious, priceless kids before starting school.
      God bless you all!

  7. sewhappy says:

    In my State the cut off is Dec 1st. Sorry to hear that he missed it be an hour. What I read about Carver, I think if pre-K is set up correctly he will roll the punches. If he is asked to wear a mask for the day, he will. If is asked to stay within his personally circle, he will. If he has to stay out for a bit because of his brother’s health needs, he will understands.

  8. Elle says:

    Should you decide to hold him out, can our Mom/daycare, do preschool for him 3d/week? With all her early childhood knowledge……food for thought. Certainly not socialization with his peers, yet knowledge and brain expansion for him.

    Bless you parents who must make these challenging decisions in 2020.

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