We are in the thick of harvest. Craig leaves at 8 am, he’s home around 10 pm. If I want to see him, I’ve got to go to the combine. This is nothing new. I grew up watching my Dad harvest the same fields Craig is now. I know the drill.
I don’t rely on Craig for anything anymore at this point. He can get the kids on the bus (usually) and that’s about it. He’s WHOOPED. He’s so exhausted. Craig and I really have a 50/50 deal when it comes to parenting. House work is a little closer to 60/40 but we try to keep it pretty even. It’s 100% me these days.
I’m working less hours at work to make the boys’ lives still feel a little normal. I’m getting more intentional about reading books with them and spending more one on one time to make up for Craig’s absence.
The Fall yard work has been a struggle in the past Falls when harvest gets wild We have an INSANE amount of leaves in our yard – enough that we HAVE to do something about them or we have a MESS in the Spring. One year I broke our lawn mower by trying to mow too many leaves at once. One year I tried to burn a bunch of wet leaves and ended up with a giant patch of grass around our burn ring that never recovered. It’s always been put off to the LAST minute and then is a frantic rush to clean up the yard before the snow comes.
This year, I’m getting better. The leaves have been a weekly project so they don’t get out of hand. When Mom offered to keep the boys today, I’m getting better at accepting help and I finished up the leaf project. I borrowed mom’s leaf blower and mowed the lawn one last time.
The porch is all tidied, the toys are all cleaned up. I consider the outside “winterized.” This is something that would have made me angry in the past. I would have been angry and resentful that Craig wasn’t here to help. I’m getting better at just tackling the projects on my own to take it off of his plate. I sold the truck for scrap that had been sitting in the yard for years. It looks so much better without that eye sore.
I’m getting better at making sure Craig has Supper ready on the stove when he gets home, I’m getting better at making sure his clothes are clean and laid out. I’m getting better at keeping “his half” of the house clean. I’m not as resentful of his absence as I’ve been in the past harvests.
I’m getting better at keeping myself busy. I rented a carpet cleaner today and tackled my area rug and upstairs office area. I’ll definitely rent again, it’s a great machine and it looks great! I have the laundry caught up. I have some meals prepped. I put the beer in the fridge. I’m getting better at being alone.
It doesn’t make it easier. I could be mad. I could be sad. I could be resentful. I could be picking fights in the times that I do see him because I miss him so much and I’m carrying so much weight but I’m getting better. Every year I get new skills and new coping mechanisms to get through these long lonely months.
I’m also getting better at reaching out. Weekly, I make sure to pop my air pods in and get the housework done while I call each of my siblings, Craig’s parents, Craig’s Grandparents, and my friends. Staying connected has made a huge difference for me. I’ve also started working with my personal trainer again every Thursday morning which has been great for my mental health and to connect with a friend again.
Anyway, that’s me. Nothing cheery here. Still literally hundreds of acres to go so I’m going to sit tight and get good at getting lonely. I’ve got a whole date planned where Craig and I go shopping for some new clothes for him, we get him a hair cut, I get a new coat for Winter, we get Christmas gifts for the family and get to connect again. I’ll just keep dreaming.
Thanks for reading friends.
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