If you are new to the blog, Gannon is my 18 month old son who is currently undergoing testing for what is believed to be a connective tissue disorder causing gross motor delays, a speech delay, swallowing difficulties, GI issues, muscle weakness, joint laxity, I could go on. In his little life, he has had more procedures surgeries and tests than Craig and I combined. Here is a more comprehensive post about Gannon’s issues: http://www.thepinkshoelaces.com/gannon-joseph-friedman/
It has been such a long ass day. Pardon my French but it’s seriously been terrible. First of all, I have this blog post completely written and a glitch deleted the entire thing. So this is the second time I’m writing it. Second of all I can still hear Gannon crying in his room as I’m writing this. He has spent more time crying that today than not.
In the 40 minutes that I’ve been working on this blog post, Carver has come up with 18 different excuses as to why he should not be sleeping in his bed. I’m so far past keeping my cool, I play the nice mom and tuck him in, I played the mean mom, nothing is working, all of us are in bed, none of us are sleeping 3/4 of us are crying.
Remember Gannon had another ear infection at his well child check last week? On Monday – the 5th day of strong antibiotics – Gannon spiked a fever. All week it has been on and off – up to 103+. But I thought – he’s on antibiotics – I’m sure it’s just teething? Or maybe just a fluke? Today was fever day 5.
Today was also another Iowa city appointment day. Gannon screamed for the last 20 minutes on the way down to Iowa city in the middle of lunch hour traffic. It was super stressful and we were so thankful to finally get where we needed to be. Gannon was super fussy at the doctor and cried every time we went into a new room or saw a new person. He needed to be held constantly.
It’s harvest season so it was really hard for Craig to get the time off. Both parents have to be present for this specific meeting with the genetics counselor. Craig and I both had to get our blood drawn. Most of our 45 minute meeting was going over consent.
While Gannon is the one going through the genetic testing, it may also reveal things about me and Craig that we didn’t know. It can tell us if we have the Alzheimer’s gene, predisposition to certain cancers, and things like that. We have an option to opt out of finding these things out but of course we said that we would like to know if we had some thing like that. We feel like it would be selfish not to you as it could affect the future of our extended family as well. The results should be back in 2-3 months and is sent to a lab in Maryland.
So here we are getting our blood drawn. Gannon obviously isn’t very happy about it. The lab people who drew our blood were super cool. They said they had 275 scheduled blood draws for that day and that doesn’t include walkins. They said that was a slow day for them. I could tell they really enjoyed their jobs.
Then it was off to Home. Craig had to get back to work so that he could help with chopping at the farm. Gannon screamed from Iowa city to Independence which is about an hour. When I say SCREAMED – I mean it – not just crying or fussing. We stopped so many times to try and help him and comfort him but nothing worked. It was awful. It was stressful. I felt so helpless.
So I decided when we got home – day 5 of a fever, after 4 total hours of driving, I hauled him another half hour north to urgent care where Gannon was diagnosed with THE SAME DAMN EAR INFECTION for the third time this month. He screamed in the office, screamed in the car, while waiting at the pharmacy, it was again, awful.
Now I am an ER nurse at heart, I know all of the tricks in the book to get kids to take medicine but Gannon will have none of it. By the end of the ordeal, we both end up covered in grape ibuprofen. It’s awful. This week of antibiotics was bad enough and now we add on another week and more Tylenol and more ibuprofen. He cries every time he sees a syringe of medicine.
Doesn’t he just look miserable? Also bear in mind, Gannon has been on antibiotics for the last 10 days for an ear infection. His fever spiked on day 5 of 10 of antibiotics. He has been on Cefdinir which is a really strong antibiotic specifically for ear infections. He has also already been on Augmentin for the same exact ear infection. He. Needs. Tubes. It’s obvious that he just doesn’t do life without tubes in his ears. His first set fell out already. This is getting ridiculous – third round of antibiotics in a month.
So as I lay here, we are all just spent. Emotionally and physically exhausted.
I yelled too much today.
I was too short.
I was too impatient.
I was not the mom I intend to be.
I was not the wife I intend to be.
I should have taken Gannon to the doctor sooner.
I should have been more patient with Carver.
I shouldn’t have taken this all out on Craig.
The mom guilt is heavy tonight. Gannon is still crying. Carver is at my door again. This day just needs to be over. I’m out ✌🏻