If you are new to the blog, Gannon is my 18 month old son who is currently undergoing testing for what is believed to be a connective tissue disorder causing gross motor delays, a speech delay, swallowing difficulties, GI issues, muscle weakness, joint laxity, I could go on. In his little life, he has had more procedures surgeries and tests than Craig and I combined. Here is a more comprehensive post about Gannon’s issues: http://www.thepinkshoelaces.com/gannon-joseph-friedman/
It has been such a long ass day. Pardon my French but it’s seriously been terrible. First of all, I have this blog post completely written and a glitch deleted the entire thing. So this is the second time I’m writing it. Second of all I can still hear Gannon crying in his room as I’m writing this. He has spent more time crying that today than not.
In the 40 minutes that I’ve been working on this blog post, Carver has come up with 18 different excuses as to why he should not be sleeping in his bed. I’m so far past keeping my cool, I play the nice mom and tuck him in, I played the mean mom, nothing is working, all of us are in bed, none of us are sleeping 3/4 of us are crying.
Remember Gannon had another ear infection at his well child check last week? On Monday – the 5th day of strong antibiotics – Gannon spiked a fever. All week it has been on and off – up to 103+. But I thought – he’s on antibiotics – I’m sure it’s just teething? Or maybe just a fluke? Today was fever day 5.
Today was also another Iowa city appointment day. Gannon screamed for the last 20 minutes on the way down to Iowa city in the middle of lunch hour traffic. It was super stressful and we were so thankful to finally get where we needed to be. Gannon was super fussy at the doctor and cried every time we went into a new room or saw a new person. He needed to be held constantly.
It’s harvest season so it was really hard for Craig to get the time off. Both parents have to be present for this specific meeting with the genetics counselor. Craig and I both had to get our blood drawn. Most of our 45 minute meeting was going over consent.
While Gannon is the one going through the genetic testing, it may also reveal things about me and Craig that we didn’t know. It can tell us if we have the Alzheimer’s gene, predisposition to certain cancers, and things like that. We have an option to opt out of finding these things out but of course we said that we would like to know if we had some thing like that. We feel like it would be selfish not to you as it could affect the future of our extended family as well. The results should be back in 2-3 months and is sent to a lab in Maryland.
So here we are getting our blood drawn. Gannon obviously isn’t very happy about it. The lab people who drew our blood were super cool. They said they had 275 scheduled blood draws for that day and that doesn’t include walkins. They said that was a slow day for them. I could tell they really enjoyed their jobs.
Then it was off to Home. Craig had to get back to work so that he could help with chopping at the farm. Gannon screamed from Iowa city to Independence which is about an hour. When I say SCREAMED – I mean it – not just crying or fussing. We stopped so many times to try and help him and comfort him but nothing worked. It was awful. It was stressful. I felt so helpless.
So I decided when we got home – day 5 of a fever, after 4 total hours of driving, I hauled him another half hour north to urgent care where Gannon was diagnosed with THE SAME DAMN EAR INFECTION for the third time this month. He screamed in the office, screamed in the car, while waiting at the pharmacy, it was again, awful.
Now I am an ER nurse at heart, I know all of the tricks in the book to get kids to take medicine but Gannon will have none of it. By the end of the ordeal, we both end up covered in grape ibuprofen. It’s awful. This week of antibiotics was bad enough and now we add on another week and more Tylenol and more ibuprofen. He cries every time he sees a syringe of medicine.
Doesn’t he just look miserable? Also bear in mind, Gannon has been on antibiotics for the last 10 days for an ear infection. His fever spiked on day 5 of 10 of antibiotics. He has been on Cefdinir which is a really strong antibiotic specifically for ear infections. He has also already been on Augmentin for the same exact ear infection. He. Needs. Tubes. It’s obvious that he just doesn’t do life without tubes in his ears. His first set fell out already. This is getting ridiculous – third round of antibiotics in a month.
So as I lay here, we are all just spent. Emotionally and physically exhausted.
I yelled too much today.
I was too short.
I was too impatient.
I was not the mom I intend to be.
I was not the wife I intend to be.
I should have taken Gannon to the doctor sooner.
I should have been more patient with Carver.
I shouldn’t have taken this all out on Craig.
The mom guilt is heavy tonight. Gannon is still crying. Carver is at my door again. This day just needs to be over. I’m out ✌?
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The day sounds just awful from beginning to end, don’t you wish you had a restart / do over button? We have all been there and all I can say is tomorrow starts a new day. You are doing a great job as a mother, as a wife and mostly as a person who has a full plate. I hope Gannon medicine kicks in, that Carver goes to sleep and that tomorrow is a better day for all in the Friedman house.
Today is a new day and you can’t change yesterday. Kids are stressful. Doctor visits are stressful. Blood draws are stressful. Health issues are stressful. Traveling is stressful. You had to deal with all of this in one day. Forgive yourself. Tell your husband and kids you are sorry about the way you handled yesterday and that you need a hug. The littles won’t understand but a heartfell “I’m Sorry” and a hug makes anyone feel better. I pray your day is better and that poor little Gannon gets some relief soon.
You’ve had a really bad day but you get a new one today. We have all had those same kind of days. A big hug for everyone and a promise to try to do better will help everyone get a better start on the day. You are doing a terrific job and the plate is overflowing! Perhaps it’s time to read your moms post about being too critical of ourselves.
If you watch NCIS you’ll understand I *Gibbs slap* you with love.
Stop feeling guilty for being human. Humans are imperfect. We get crabby when we’re tired, or under stress.
Should I feel guilty about getting cross with the umpteenth person who told me a 58 year old woman, how brave I was for going out alone just because I’m registered blind… that’s so condescending. She was so close I could see she was very elderly (I see most in focus 4 inches from my nose at arm’s length I cannot see most of your features) so I snapped “Aren’t you brave being out while old” and walked off while she was too shocked to block my path again (she’d walked in front of me to stop me originally and when I tried to go round her as I was going to catch my bus she kept dodging in front of me). If I should feel guilty about that then karma got me good and proper when I arrived at my bus stop I learned the bus that’s and just pulled away was my one and had to wait half an hour for the next one
Please don’t SHOULD on yourself. You know you did your best all day long. You didn’t sign up to be perfect-Mom, you signed up to do your best and you did-I’m sure of that. I’m not a Mom but my Mom always said, “sometimes you just let them cry it out”.
Hugs to you and wishing you a good Saturday!
I’m sorry you had such a tough day yesterday. My one bit of (unasked for) advice is about when all of you are in bed, nobody’s sleeping, and 3/4 of you are crying — as long as it’s just for one night, piling all in bed together, or you and Craig each holding a boy in bed until they fall asleep, is not going to be a problem. You might not want to do that even two nights in a row, in case they think, “Oh, this is what bedtime looks like now,” but ONE night it would be fine to try that and see if it helps for that night.
I hope today was way better!! 🙂
When all that crap happens… you need…. your mum!!! Am sure you could have called her and asked her to either come over and deal with one of the boys or, take one of the boys home to her house. She would have helped you out in a heartbeat. Ask for help!! Or, call your closest sister. Ask for help!!! You are not alone. Call Craig’s mom and and ask for help. They would have done whatever they could… again, take one child and deal with them or take one home to their house. Ask for help!
Ask for help if there is anything good about this it’s he won’t remember it. The bad part is you’ll never forget it. Just do the best you can.
Thank you for writing this post! I’m sure every mom can relate right now! If they say they don’t, they are lying! We all need to be real with each other and acknowledge there are days that we just lose it! Unfortunately, your day was filled with 3 out of 4 losing it! If I was there I would give you a big hug!
September has been a sideways month for Gannon…poor baby!! Poor mom and dad as well! I wish I had a magic formula that would get Carver to go to sleep when he was first put in bed and Gannon to be less miserable. You, mom, are doing the best you can with what you have to deal with!! Just proving you are human, just like the rest of us. Life isn’t a photo-op with kids all the time…it’s loud, messy, dirty and scrapes the hell out of your last nerve more often than not!!! Sometimes everyone just needs a break to re-set themselves. I know your mom is always there for hugs, support and respite!! Moms love to still be needed by their children, so make mom’s day and get a little break for some me time for you – naps, bath, bike ride, whatever!!! You got this. You are doing a great job raising your boys. You are a wonderful wife. You are a fabulous nurse. Breathe…