Grief is unpredictable and overwhelming. I’m reminded of this in the most unexpected moments.
My father, Roger Kramer passed away from lung cancer on June 2nd, 2019 after his 129 day battle. His cancer progressed quickly after his diagnosis on January 24th 2019. The cancer spread to his C2, eating away at the bone and fracturing his neck. After finishing chemotherapy and radiation, a PET scan t revealed the cancer had spread throughout his body. I was honored to care for him in his final days and he passed away 4 days later. We not only lost a father but Craig and I lost a dear friend and community member.
I think we all take turns in the barrel. Last month, mom was having a hard time. There was one weekend where I cried several times. Grief comes and goes and ebbs and flows. I talk about grief in an analogy here:
Sometimes my ball is big and my box is small and sometimes I can go days without the ache of grief tugging at me. I forget that even the smallest of us still have our turns in the barrel.
It’s harvest season. I was feeling a little lonely and I invited my mom and brother over for supper tonight. Laughing, joking, smiling, happiness and goofiness ensued. Until all of a sudden, Carver got very serious. He got very quiet. I said “Carver, what’s wrong?” He burst into tears.
“I miss Papa Moo. I didn’t want him to die.”
Queue the waterworks for ALL of us. It stopped us all right in our tracks. Even the littlest hearts, the hearts that lost their hero at 2 1/2 years old still hurt.
I scooped my now four year old into my arms. He’s laying on me right now as I write this. I had plans for tonight but none of them matter now. I need to be here for my boy.
Before mom left she read Carver the Papa Moo book (my dad was a farmer and was so lovingly called Papa Moo) and our tears soon turned into laughter and pictures and memories.
He perked up a bit after we read the book but he’s still pretty droopy. Just like when I’m grieving and I don’t need someone to fix me, I’m just trying to be here for him and not fix him.
That’s all I have for tonight folks. Thanks for reading.
My father, Roger Kramer passed away from lung cancer on June 2nd, 2019 after his 129 day battle. His cancer progressed quickly after his diagnosis on January 24th 2019. The cancer spread to his C2, eating away at the bone and fracturing his neck. After finishing chemotherapy and radiation, a PET scan t revealed the cancer had spread throughout his body. I was honored to care for him in his final days and he passed away 4 days later. We not only lost a father but Craig and I lost a dear friend and community member.
May 28th 2019
Dad had a PET scan today. The results suck.
Cancer has spread just about everywhere it can go. His femur and hip, a couple spots in his colon, his lungs lit up, they keep calling it “bad acting” cancer. It’s very aggressive and unfortunately we don’t have much time left with him and Dad will be referred to hospice care.
We’ve got lots of plans to make. We’re okay. Cancer sucks. That’s all we have to update tonight.
May 29th, 2019
Here’s the Kramer family update:
We are okay. We are working on planning out our next few weeks.
There’s an odd sense of calm in the midst of all this. We are getting family pictures taken on Sunday. We are planning a baptism for Gannon and Georgia so dad can be there. Karl is on his way home from Houston as we speak. Last night mom, dad, Carver and I went to see where the plot is in the cemetery. We are talking about funeral arrangements and wishes. Mom and dad are going to finalize things with the lawyer.
Is it morbid to be doing all of this? Maybe. It does not feel that way. We talk about it openly and often. Carver knows Papa Moo is going to be with Jesus soon. His response was, “Okay! Me pop tart?” ? He came with out to the cemetery last night. We need to keep talking about it for his sake and ours.
How are we doing? Sometimes we are sad and crying and can’t even explain why. Sometimes we are laughing so hard we can’t breathe. Sometimes it feels like we can’t breathe at all.
We are all fielding tons of phone calls and messages. If we don’t get back to you, don’t take it personally. Maybe we are busy or maybe it just takes too much emotional energy to open the message and respond and keep up a conversation and it’s easier to just say nothing.
Dad is doing actually really well. He’s on less pain medication every day – the radiation to his neck is really starting to work to keep him comfortable. He needs more oxygen than he used to. He gets tired out easily.
Lots of people ask if dad is well enough for visitors or phone calls. The answer is YES! Dad is still the same as he was – probably even clearer since we have half the amount of narcotics on board. Please call, please visit, please send a message on facebook. If you’d like to arrange a visit, please message me or mom. Drop ins are okay but we’d prefer a little notice in case mom and dad have a scheduled meeting or visitor.
Lots of people want to help. I am cautiously offering the opportunity to provide food. We have a ridiculous amount of family coming, mom is STILL doing childcare through all of this so nap time is between 1 and 3 pm. Please feel free to drop off a casserole, hot dish, sweets, meat and cheese, preferably in a freezable container that does not need to be returned to you.
I think that’s enough for today. I was going to elaborate more on the behind the scenes of this post but I’ll save that for a part two tomorrow. It’s a rough week. I just realize now how little time we actually had with him after his diagnosis of terminal cancer. We were hoping for two weeks and we got about three days.
My father, Roger Kramer passed away from lung cancer on June 2nd, 2019 after his 129 day battle. His cancer progressed quickly after his diagnosis on January 24th 2019. The cancer spread to his C2, eating away at the bone and fracturing his neck. After finishing chemotherapy and radiation, a PET scan t revealed the cancer had spread throughout his body. I was honored to care for him in his final days and he passed away 4 days later. We not only lost a father but Craig and I lost a dear friend and community member.
Here is the Kramer family update:
I know we’ve been a little quiet since dad is in the hospital. It’s all been up in the air.
Here’s the scoop:
1) Dad met with speech pathology. They assessed dad’s swallowing. They think dad might be aspirating which means part of his food/drink goes into his lung instead of his stomach thus the pneumonia won’t go away or “aspiration pneumonia.”
2) Speech pathology couldn’t quite tell what was going on so dad essentially swallowed a few video cameras to see if he was aspirating. He passed that test just fine and is NOT aspirating.
3) They did not end up doing a bronchoscope. If they do the bronchoscope, dad May need to keep the breathing tube in for a few days and be sedated. Hopefully this new antibiotic will take care of everything.
4) On paper, dad looks good. Dad feels much weaker and requires much more oxygen all of the time. He used to be able to wear it here and there and now he needs it all of the time until this pneumonia clears up.
5) Dad will get a PET scan on Tuesday (which was supposed to be today) and results on Wednesday.
That’s dad’s plan. Everyone has been sending and posting pictures wearing their #kramerstrong shirts! It has been so uplifting to see while dad is in the hospital. If you have a picture leave it in the comments!!
As for now, mom and dad are on their way HOME! If you’re the praying kind, please include mom and dad in your prayers. Please let us just have a weekend at home. Please no more ER trips and ambulance rides and hospital admissions. Please allow these antibiotics to work. We are strong but we are tired.
I have some more to update on how amazing our community has been and has supported us but for now we are scrambling to get the house ready for mom and dad to come home.
Are you still reading? That was a long post! Thanks for keeping up with us! ❤️
My father, Roger Kramer passed away from lung cancer on June 2nd, 2019 after his 129 day battle. His cancer progressed quickly after his diagnosis on January 24th 2019. The cancer spread to his C2, eating away at the bone and fracturing his neck. After finishing chemotherapy and radiation, a PET scan t revealed the cancer had spread throughout his body. I was honored to care for him in his final days and he passed away 4 days later. We not only lost a father but Craig and I lost a dear friend and community member.
May 21st 2019
Our patients are doing very well this evening!
Dad is HOME! ?? He was sent up to Lacrosse last Friday and came home today after becoming septic from pneumonia. Dad has a few more days of antibiotics at home. His PET scan is still scheduled for Friday! We will have a better plan of attack put into place then! Likely stronger chemo is in his future.
Remember to wear your Kramer strong shirts Friday and use the #kramerstrong! If you don’t have yours yet I’m sorry – my intention was to sort through those today but Carver needed my attention more. I will finish this up on THURSDAY this week.
It turns out that while they were putting tubes in Carver’s ears they decided to remove his adenoids as well. It appears based on what they saw that Carver had also been suffering from sinus infections that we didn’t know about ? he has complained several times in the past that his head hurts and has some behaviors that we’ve been concerned with. I so hope to see some improvement as he will now be able to sleep better and hopefully won’t be having sinus headaches/pain.
All that and regular ear infections, mild hearing loss, fluid behind his ear drum, and a runny nose and cough that doesn’t seem to go away. Well that all makes sense now. With the adenoids out and his third set of tubes in Carver should feel much better.
He has already been on 10 days of augmentin for the last double ear infection but now they will put him on two MORE weeks of antibiotics to help clear this all up.
Carver had a tough time waking up from surgery and was super upset which I’m pretty sure is normal after anesthesia but I’m really glad Kelli Jo Hanken was there to help out. He’s been doing better since we’ve been home.
So that’s the update from the Kramer/Friedman house! We will know more Friday – let’s hope we can avoid all doctors appointments until then!
In the meantime I think we are all a little too used to being ready to drop everything at a moments notice. Mom has always said God has a way of helping us grow – by giving us a chance to learn. We’ve always been very scheduled and had everything planned out. God has now provided us with the opportunity (haha) to grow and learn to go with the flow and remember who really is in control. Whether that means changing an entire weekend of plans because Dad is in the hospital or arranging who will cover childcare for mom. If there is one thing this experience has taught us – if you want to hear God laugh tell him your plans ?
Also – I needed a picture to go with the post and Carver just couldn’t put down his pop tart so this is the result ?? I’d hate to discourage him from eating considering that’s been an issue since surgery. This is what “CHEESE!” With a mouth full of pop tart looks like ???
Dad is on his way back up to Lacrosse after spending his morning with me at work in the emergency room.
He is possibly septic again with a fever, shaking, coughing, needing more oxygen, low blood pressure, high heart rate.
Still don’t know why he is so sick or why the antibiotics aren’t taking care of this pneumonia. We are all very frustrated and sad and tired. He spent a whole 12 hours at home. We just can’t catch a break.
These are getting harder and harder. Obviously Dad is getting closer to dying. I remember the look on his face when I opened the ER doors. You could tell he was not well. There was just something different. You could tell he was sick of it. You could tell he knew it was bad. He wasn’t cracking jokes or trying to make me laugh. He knew this was serious and I knew he was tired. We all were. It was all hands on deck at this point now that Kelli and I were back to work. No one really could explain dads symptoms or what was going on. We now know he was just dying. The doctors didn’t know that, he wasn’t on hospice, we were waiting to see how the PET scan would read to determine what is next. Not once during this hospital stay did someone suspect he was dying. The radiation was supposed to work. Chemo, the real big bad chemo, was supposed to start the week he died. No one had any idea how invasive this cancer really was. I think dad knew things weren’t well. We were given a prognosis of 11 months after he broke his neck but not a few weeks. On the day I took dad to radiation he asked the doctor “what are the chances I’m going to light up on this next PET scan. The doctor said that they aren’t expecting that and it would be unusual for that to happen. Well, how wrong that prediction would be.
In other news, we stopped out at the cemetery today, pretty bummed to find dad’s flowers are missing. I don’t think someone would steal them but I also don’t think they would have blown away. We checked the garbage too thinking maybe they fell off with no luck ?
My father, Roger Kramer passed away from lung cancer on June 2nd, 2019 after his 129 day battle. His cancer progressed quickly after his diagnosis on January 24th 2019. The cancer spread to his C2, eating away at the bone and fracturing his neck. After finishing chemotherapy and radiation, a PET scan t revealed the cancer had spread throughout his body. I was honored to care for him in his final days and he passed away 4 days later. We not only lost a father but Craig and I lost a dear friend and community member.
Update on my Dad: May 16th, 2019
Dad has been getting better every day. He can sleep better, swallow better, his pain is better controlled, he seems to be getting his humor back too. As the effects of radiation wears off he should continue to get better ?
We are enjoying not having to get him to Lacrosse every day! The car rides were getting SO long for him towards the end! Long curves and turns are hard on his neck.
He did go up for a neuro surgery visit yesterday. He will still be in the brace for the foreseeable future. If the cancer had gone to any other bone in the spine it could have been fixed by filling the bone with cement but not the C2. So right now the bone was described as a “shell.” Yeah, let’s leave the brace on ?
We have a BIG day May 24th. Dad will go through the “truth machine” (aka PET scan) to see if the cancer has spread anywhere else. He will get a new chemo schedule, a new plan of attack, and meet with just about every service the hospital has to offer ?
If you would wear your Kramer strong shirts next Friday – May 24th that would be great! Post a picture and use the hashtag #kramerstrong ?
He got to get a REAL shower today and we replaced the pads on the neck brace. I imagine it’s going to be a long summer for him wearing the brace – it’s going to be HOT. Plus, he’s so warm in general. We asked the doctor and he said as cancer cells are dying and “released” it can make you really hot and sweaty. Fun fact.
Anyway, I go back to work full time starting tomorrow. I’m so glad I was on this maternity leave the past three months. I know that was what I call a “God thing.” He knew I’d need to be there for my family and he knew we would need Gannon and Georgia for some relief from the seriousness of it all.
We are all still so overwhelmed by the support from everyone. My coworkers pooled together got us a huge gas card, our neighbors have been mowing our lawn and their neighbors have been mowing their lawn, the cards continue to come in daily, I love people wearing their Kramer Strong shirts, it’s just AMAZING how people have come around us to support us ❤️❤️❤️
May 17th, 2019
Well I spoke too soon guys…
I found this picture on my time hop from my RN pinning ceremony 4 years ago. Dad has always been my reason to be a nurse – he inspired me to join the medical field as he is an EMT.
Well today I got to be DAD’s nurse in the ER – he woke up drenched in sweat, fever of 102, short of breath, shaky, and a bit confused. Mom brought him to the ER where I work and he’s been shipped to Lacrosse via ambulance.
He has an infection somewhere, we don’t know where probably pneumonia but we suspect he is septic which means the infection is in his blood stream now. He got IV antibiotics and fluids in the ER. His blood pressure was SUPER low. He’s stable – we just need to figure out for sure where this infection is.
Shout out to Sally Hensley for swooping in to help mom this morning on such short notice! And for the childcare parents for being so understanding.
We will keep you all posted!
These posts are getting harder to read. I remember I was out at the nurses station. Dads blood pressure took. It was 64/48. I remember making a joke like “come on Dad, you can do better than that!” I walked into the room and there dad was, standing, I looked at him DRENCHED in sweat and said “Dad, are you okay?” He perked up, “Yeah I feel fine.”
Despite his blood pressure hanging around the lowest possible reading while still reading, he claimed to be asymptomatic. This was later chalked up to the steroids he was on suppressing his adrenal glands.
But Dad was sick. Really sick, but not with pneumonia. A week from Memorial Day, that PET scan we are so desperate for will give us terrible news.
This won’t be dad’s last ambulance ride to Lacrosse this week, or his last visit to the ER while I was working. In fact he stabilized quite well once he got to Lacrosse, only to start the process all over again after he was discharged. The bottom out blood pressure, shortness of breath, dizziness, fever, Dad’s body was trying to die. Now is when we started to get suspicious.
It’s heart breaking reading these posts over again. These next two weeks will be hard. Yet, we are still #kramerstrong.
