We didn’t decide Carver was going to preschool until about 2 weeks ago and we only got his preschool start date about a week after that. This gave me very little time to change my schedule around. I thought to myself, “This is fine, I’m going to be okay if I’m not there. Craig is a good dad, I’ll lay out all the clothes, I’ll make sure Craig gets pictures, he will get on the bus and it’ll be fine. It’s not the first milestone I’ve had to miss because of work, it won’t be the last.”
Until today, laying in bed taking a nap next to my Johnny Jumper Boy. I looked over at him and remembered the days before I had Gannon. I was holding on so tightly to the days I had left when I only had one boy. That revelation hit me as he was laying in bed next to me rubbing his eyes, his little two year old self unaware of how his world would be changing in just a few short days. I wasn’t grieving, I wasn’t sad, I was just aware. I was just taking it in, trying to bottle up that moment in time when it was just Carv and me.
And now, in that same bed, I’m looking over at my almost 4 year old taking in every second before he doesn’t take naps with me anymore and before he’s gone to school every afternoon. Before peer pressure tells him it isn’t cool to snuggle with your mom. Again, I’m not sad, I’m not grieving, I’m just aware. I’m aware of how fast these four years have gone and I’m aware of how I need to hold on to more moments like this.
So I began trying to find someone to come in early. I even tried harder when one of my coworkers told me, “You can’t get those moments back.” That hit hard. I can’t get these moments back. I can’t just watch him get on the bus for the first time again. I can’t just watch him run in off of the school bus to tell me all about his first day for the first time again.
Just like I can’t get those moments when he was my only baby back.
Just like I can’t get those lazy afternoon snuggles back.
So I asked around, I got someone to come in early for me. Can you believe how awesome my director is? When she found out that I might have to miss it she volunteered to come in a full hour and half early so I could be home in time.
And can you believe I almost missed this?
I think now is a good time to let you all know about another big change that’s coming down the line: I’m going part time. Yes, you read that right. This workaholic, 60+ hour work week, with too many irons in the fire will only be scheduled 24 hours/week coming in December.
This pandemic has changed my life in so many good ways and some ways. That’s a blog post for another day but for the most part, it has changed the way I spend time with my family. I used to be a drive by mom, home long enough to feed them, bathe them, bedtime and up before the sun to the next job. That’s not me anymore. I’ve got my priorities straightened out. I know that my most important work will be done within the four walls of our home, and that’s the best job I could ever have.
Please also note – just because I’m scheduled 24 hours/week doesn’t mean I can’t pick up more hours and I will actually/maybe/probably be picking up and cross training to ER in my extra time! EEK! I’m so excited guys.
So that’s the big news at the Friedman house. What a great morning. My little baby is all grown up – he will be walking into school by now. I hope he had a good day, I can’t wait to hear all about it!